Or friend with financial benefits.
My ATF hooker is in the 8th month of pregnancy and fresh out of detox, so she's nauseous and feels like shit and is starting false labor pains. She says she's afraid of even having an orgasm by oral or mechanical.
"Time to take your super preggie vitamins and detox herbs."
"Yuck, no! They taste funny!"
"You swallow cum for a living. How bad can they be?"
"I had to quit that while pregnant. Almost vomited on a customer. Hehehe."
"Well, there's other ways to play."
"Orgasm can cause Braxton Hicks -- false labor. Or full labor."
"Did you know that semen causes the cervix to dilate, sometimes leading to labor?"
"That's horrible! So what you're trying to say is, no sex for the next month?"
"Fuck! You're right. Baby comes first. I'm glad guys don't give birth."
Poor daddys! I immediately checked these alleged facts with my hottie hairdresser. She confirmed them, unfortunately.
"A woman can even go into labor when the doctor does an exam." That must be some kind of exam!
"Then there's the emotional rollercoaster, where the tiniest thing can make her cry. Be gentle with her." Good thing my hooker girl has almost no emotions thanks to opiates, though she warns they may now explode in sober rage at any time... Good...I hope.
"You know, you and your husband really have your shit together. Good jobs, good family, new home, happy kids. You have no idea how lucky you are. Thanks for saving me $150 on a therapist."
"Sure. Anytime." (we had more conversation but that's still classified)
Between pregnancy and withdrawal/recovery, she's not in the mood to sexually reciprocate my $100s in baby shopping, food shopping, clothes shopping and taxi service to OB, MD and NA. Her deadbeat "ex" addict BF ("he quit cold turkey last week and he's not my pimp!") is back to work for the first time in their 2 years, thanks to his jealousy of our (former?) "affair" (a compliment!) and my logistical boost. So I'm basically sabotaging my own success in that LTR. And why did she leave my "detox congrats" card on their coffee table, including my reward certificate for a 1-hour massage and jacuuzi? Playing one against the other would make Machiavelli proud. Although a meeting is scheduled next week to prepare to move in with her and move him out, she's willing to risk her baby to keep him home (with his new-found cash as a "paying customer"), along with his extremely negative mental attitude -- "stinkin thinkin" from vitamin deficiency, doing all the housework, and watching his girl fuck $300,000 in men for his-n-her dope money. Everyone has to do what it takes to survive, there but for the grace of God go you and me. Her drugs masked a simmering rage at daddy and suspected hyperthyroidism the OB admitted he never tested for and should wait until after the baby. [She soon tested POSITIVE for pyroluria disease, the cause of anxiety disorder and addictions, cured by megadose vitamin B3, B6 and zinc.]
Then there's BF's daily threats of violence if she "makes" him shoot up again, refuses to have preggie sex with him, etc. "But he won't really do it..." Anyone living with that guy would need to be stoned to tolerate it. Frankly, I'd rather have this deadbeat dad take care of his baby than me (but not her baby...). We're gonna start taking him to some NA meetings -- maybe that'll help him and her, but will it help me, and if I'm really her friend, do I matter? Does any mere friend matter to any couple in a LTR?
Why give up my own living arrangements on a gamble with a woman who doesn't love me, whom I've never known clean and sober (other than the past 2 days, which have been very nice, besides the No Sex Zone), who probably sees a different me without her opiate goggles? Got her First NA keyfob, which was a Very Good Day. I probably couldn't handle it financially, anyway, without help from her sugardaddys, making me her new not-my-pimp. But her richest sugardaddy cut her off again today -- you know, the sugardaddy that went to the loonybin last week and wants to kill the BF and off himself thanks to script psych meds. He bailed just when she needed him most. Good time for the BF to step up and pay to play (but he ain't gittin any either ha, prolly why #1 SD bailed).
So she's out of commission for several months after baby is born. That's her job to make a baby and she needs to stick to it. Although expert at making men happy, she's not really the type to be supportive of another man's needs over her own habit of money dates. Even when I spend hours with her almost every day. So I'm paying for the right to worship her presence...something I enjoy doing anyway (if only the Friend Zone or daddy/daughter thing, which is nice). Hey, whatever it takes to get over the divorce and crazy alky ex, learn some new baby skillz, and do the occasional good deed for a friend. Probably some good fucking down the road (hopefully), just not anytime soon (or never if the "recovering" addict stays miserable, or goes legit with a monogamous BF). 100s of hours of cockteasing as foreplay, or noplay...
Pretty much what every father-to-be feels like in the 3rd trimester, I presume. Except prolly no more sleepovers, either, unless the BF fucks up again. Then she'll probably move in to save the baby, unless loony sugardaddy is in a non-homicidal/suicidal mood that day.
"So you can't have sex with me for THREE months?!
"Six weeks after the baby is born."
"It's a month until its born. That's over 2 and a half months...You don't mind if I find another girl to fuck in the meantime?"
"Of course not."
"That's so cool! You're the coolest girl friend (not GF) in the world. Imagine a real GF or wife saying that?"
"It would never happen."
"I guess that's where me and your other sugardaddy fail the test of being your BF. We're not monogamous and you demand that from a BF. You want a submissive sexslave while you fuck around. lol"
So time to shop for a new friend or 2 or 3. But only if no impact on the critical finances of my preggie friend, causing her to lose the baby to CPS. That would not be fun, to put it mildly.
Wish I could guarantee her sobriety, but I can't, especially when she's living with a guy she loves shooting up with. I can't escape the FWFB Zone, and my stress level is rising. Clean and sober might even mean she quits the game entirely, gets religion, settles down with her working BF to raise babies, and says goodbye to me. Then my 3 months of celebacy and $$$ are no joy. As I told her, I don't gamble on the lottery, I gamble on her. Just like everybody does in any relationship, open or shut.
Plenty of options, plenty of leads, plenty of $$$, just need to pull the trigger and do the work... Unless my preggie friend surprises me...or I surprise myself. What are friends for? :-}
See also: MY NEW FUCK BUDDY