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Pimpin Narcotics Anonymous

One of the NA rules forbids publicity for NA, but "it's not a secret society." What happens in NA stays in NA. Guess that's why I never heard of it until 30 years after I quit using and occasionally abusing.

But we did take my ATF's BF ("he's not my pimp!!!") to NA today for the first time. Neither shared, but she got the guts to read aloud for the first time since detox this week. She's still afraid to share, much afraid of the "resentments" ready to spew out (DID?). She prefers to wait for 1-on-1 counseling, after a long waiting list. Got to eat a meal at NA, more of a subsandwich takeout rather than outdoor BBQ. Much more enjoyable (to me) than dope runs. She looked cute in her braless see-through dress with AWESOME panties I bought her (text visible). She's quite popular with the male addicts, especially since a senior host worked at the same strip club as she. Weird dynamic, going to the same meeting with me, then with us... "She might be a ho," the addicts must be wondering? Got to get her a new wardrobe soon.

Then toured a local park near their new home, perfect for playing with baby-to-be. Rode the swings, smelled the cookouts, listened to laughter, cooked in the sun. Normalcy -- a concept they're not familiar with, but desperately seeking.

Back to their place after food shopping then a home-cooked cheap steak dinner. Split the bill for the first time. BF's a good chef! So my little hooker gets pampered in that respect -- good. And he does the cleaning and laundry. More of a house pimp I guess. I mean BF. My congrats card with free jacuzzi and 1-hour massage is still on the table for BF to see. "He massages me" now she says later (crack dat whip!). Saw almost no PDA, but that may be due to his respect for not blowing out her top "customer", since he sent her best sugardaddy to the loonybin last week for trying to kill him. BF's her top-paying customer now -- HA. He did buy her a solitary rose with his day labor cash -- after he saw me do it.

Shot some photos of her lounging on the Daddy couch with BF's rose, unable to move from pregginess and withdrawals, yet looking quite fetching. Listened to her filthy rap ringtone and her cocaine cowboy music. Had some laughs. Debriefed last month's insanity of daily dope runs, risking everything we love. "This is better." We agreed. "I invested over $2,500 in her last month. Had to get her to detox in a stable condition, not working every day. But the detox date kept getting pushed back and my money was running out fast. That's money I needed for the next few months. But it was worth it now." A few secrets get revealed to BF -- her OD and pregnancy in rehab... Truth trumps BS.

BF: "The way I get motivated to stay clean is to open the door to the nursery and stop and stare" (at the nursery W&H built).

H: "It's a disease. Either it's genetic or something else did permanent damage. There's no cure."

W&H: "Either way, the nutritional cures work to reduce or eliminate the craving and boost energy and health. Just give it a chance. Many detox/rehab facilities require these nutritional cures for all patients. Your lab test results will be in soon, and might prove you have a niacin deficiency disease [she did test POSITIVE for pyroluria]. Then you can show that test result to your doctors proving you have the nutritional disease of pyroluria, a cause of addictions and anxiety disorder (cured by megadose niacin vitamin B3, B6 and zinc). Your OB also said he would test you for hyperthyroidism after the baby is born, which has identical symptoms to anxiety disorder which you have already been diagnosed with. You know so much about drugs, imagine if you studied the chemistry of nutrition?"


BF shows off his dream tat art of Our Day of the Dead Girl

Off to a second NA meeting after dinner. Once in the car she announces we're headed to my place instead, for a jacuzzi bath. No handholding allowed. "How about a handjob then?" I joke in jest. THE STARE. "So you don't want to collect on my 1-hour massage offer?" "NO." We continue the ride in silence and rap musac. Fuck, this is feeling more like my failed marriage -- note to self: stop dating addicts, and hookers (unless I got plenty of money and don't give a shit).

Arrive at my place and she plays with the little pussy. They're becoming quite friendly with each other. Her name is "My Love" in a foreign language. She has no idea. We sit and talk a little on the couch.

"May I sit beside you?"

"Sure. (I sit at arm's length) Everything feels so awkward being clean and sober for the first time in years."

"Yeah, these past 3 days I see a different You."

"I'm scared. I'm doing this for my daughter. I don't know if I can stay clean, especially once she comes. I think about using every day."

"I know you will love her."

"I love her now!"

"Good. Your maternal instincts are kicking in. Just take it one day at a time, one minute at a time. Pamper yourself. I'm very proud of you. I wish my ex had done what you've done. You've been to rehab so many times, you know what to do. You didn't even have a home after your last detox this year. Your food stamps are starting next week (just like active-duty soldiers, Walmart employees and 30-million illegal aliens). So many things have changed for the better. A lot less financial stress. You have a lot of people helping you. Now everything is coming together for you to succeed."

"I hope so...I've got to be back by 9." (to keep BF in the dark, or to keep a customer from getting free time?)

"OK. Let's get changed."


No pulling her top off in the pool on this trip

Not big on the sharing or busting time limits, but getting better. I help her up and she plops facedown on the bed. The kitten jumps up to visit. I refuse to join her or offer a massage again, and go change in the bath. Funny how recovering addicts love misery.

When I return she's changed and we head to the indoor pool. DAMN she still looks smokin hot in her fluorescent bikini with tramp stamp hangin out. Jacuuzi feels good and HOT. Cleansing bubbles. We both wash away the stress and tears for a few. No PDA, a little discussion. Definitely not the same girl as last month, who rode my hard cock in that same hottub, in full view of the ladies in the office. Split personality...

Then it's time to cool it in the heated pool. She's very timid of the cooler water. Again, no PDA, unlike riding me cowgirl while I swam laps last time. She's CHANGED.

Back to the hottub, dry off (without my usual assistance), then back to my place. Borrows some DVDs, so she's chosen to be honest with her BF, perhaps for the first time. CHANGE... Hopefully for better...Hopefully better for me. Definitely takes more guts and feelings than living on lies. Personalities merging?

On the ride back we discuss the No Sex Zone.

"After 30 years of marriage, having no sex seems normal to me. I can wait 3 months for you."

"Everything feels so different now. I have to keep my baby safe. She's already underweight and not ready to be a preemie." (cephalic index i.e. soft head width compared to length is 5% below normal according to this week's ultrasound; underweight is often due to smoking tobacco)

"Of course. No sex for me in the past 10 years of marriage. This will be a piece of cake. I'll be there for you. I'll be sure you have the money you need, even if I have to do it without the working girls. You come first."

"Women don't need sex." (a terrifyin thought!)

"Men do. And I need physical companionship. It relaxes me. Touching and being touched keeps me sane. It's great for stress relief, no drugs required. Good cardio workout, too. But women do need financial security, and are always willing to trade sex for it, at least for awhile."

"I'm scared of what sex will feel like. It's been so long since I fucked without using. I can't even remember so much of it. (blackouts from Dissociative Identity Disorder?) I was using $200 to $400 a day before getting pregnant ($6,000/month = $72,000/year to $12,000/month to $144,000/year! Dope dealers are the new pimps.). Most girls can't orgasm on opiates."

"Antidepressants have the same side effect. They're vasoconstrictors, but orgasm is a vasodilator. I've talked to several girls who could never orgasm on antidepressants. It's a standard side effect. They were not happy about it, so one of them quit for that reason. Yeah, you were having a lot of trouble getting off, and it was getting worse. I was putting in a lot of time but most guys won't. Don't know why, I guess they're just stupid."

"Yes, most men don't care. It's over when they're done."

"I'd rather get the girl off first. Or if I cum early, then focus on the girl for the rest of the time. Then maybe I'll get ready to go again. Win/win."

"Hmmm."

"Your body is coming down off opiates, so the sensation will now be much stronger. Every cell in your body is screaming for that orgasm. Women experience orgasm stronger than men, and it can be multiple or continuous. That's how nature made them, as reward for the pain of childbirth."

"I can be bitchy. I was really a bitch back then. I was abusive to my BF for a year, due to the previous BF."

"I've only seen you be nice to everyone. I think every girlfriend I had at that age was bitchy, but still hot. They grow out of it. Guys don't care if they get beat up on. I think everyone is a different person after each relationship. I've been mean too, but I think all that's behind me with this ex marriage. I'm over that."

"Yeah, I don't believe in marriage either. Too many disappointments. Too much resentment."

We arrive at her home, with BF hanging out wit da boyz in da hood, hopefully not smokin weed again. If he fails a drug test, bye bye baby...

She's not in a hurry to get out of the car.

"Are you still wanting to do our appointment in case you need me to move into your appartment?"

"Yes, but I'm afraid that might cause problems too, with the office. Bring more attention to the fact my BF isn't paying rent."

"OK let's cancel that. I think you two are going to be ok."

"I hope so. It's really hard. He's a different person when clean and sober."

"You'll be allright. Goodnight. See you tomorrow." (NA)

"Goodnight."

She rises slowly, feeling the aches and pains of pregnancy for the first time without opiates. She still looks fukkin hot, as everybody notices. Especially my ex (still can't blog about that war).

Did I pass her no-sex test? Does she have multiple identities giving me tests? Trying to break herself back into her open lifestyle choice, testing the men in her life, trying but failing to find The One who can meet her financial needs with consistency. Just doing whatever it takes to survive this cruel world. A kind soul lost in a sea of adversity and hate. And love.

2 Chainz – Where U Been

I keep my hoes in check, you buy Nike for yours
Say they want that loud, I'mma bring that noise
Check my watch on a flight, yeah, I call that airtime
Murk 'em in the middle of the street, that gon' be his deadline
Yeah, you gon' respect mine, got a body on my Tec-9
Say you nobody 'till somebody gon' body you, flatline
Pocket full of dead guys and you know I'm anti
Anti-social, anti-lame, but ain't I cool nigga, ain't I?
You looking at a star that's phased out, trying to take my style then take off
I go to work with no days off, everything I own paid off
Shawty pussy hair shaved off and she did it just for me, nigga
Would skip you like a spacebar, but I much rather delete niggas

[Hook: 2 Chainz]
I've been getting money, where the fuck you been?
I've been getting money, where the fuck you been?
I've been getting money, where the fuck you been?
I've been getting money, where the fuck you been?
Bought a new crib just to fuck you in
Bought a new crib just to fuck you in
Bought a new crib just to fuck you in
I've been getting to the money, where the fuck you been?

[Verse 2: 2 Chainz]
Gucci hat (Gucci hat), Gucci belt
If you wrote a autobiography you'd have to sue yourself
You lying ass, codeine in my wine glass
I know you had a wild past, I ain't fucked you in a while with your wild ass
I get high and I fly past, I don't know nothing 'bout iChat
I work in this iPhone they need an app called iTrap
I trap, shining like a night lamp
I just hit my girlfriend and asked her where her wife at
White cup, white hat, laying on a white couch
Got that presidential and a residential white house
Nigga saying "who?" (who) like a white owl
You can see me shinin' (shinin') with the light out

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Cap-1]
Turn five to a ten to a twenty to fifty to hundred
My niggas get money, I want it (BEEP)
I ride through the city my niggas got choppers
My bitch she's so pretty that's my pocahontas
Everything on me I shine like a trophy
Run up a check while they watch out for police
Versace my pinky, a brick on my Rollie
The Cali Ferrari I'm feeling like Kobe
TRU that's to the death of me, nigga
Killers on the right and left of me, nigga
My destiny nigga to get all this money
I can't share that whole recipe with you, nigga
My nigga told me "get 'em" did it I got 'em
Stand on that couch, drink out of the bottle
That .40 got hollows, that bitch she gon' swallow
Get to the money I'm keeping Chicago
Bought a new crib just to fuck you in
Bought the Benz just to fuck your friends
Giuseppe's 900 with that gold boss
Everything 'bout me wrong like a dope charAnnotatege

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