reposted from AuthenticPUA.com
The PUA Identity – How It Develops (A Bit Of History)
The main difference between what a PUA learns and does – and what the average guy out there who knows nothing about this stuff does – is the PUA actually learns the skill of cold approaching. By cold approaching I mean: approaching a woman in any situation – street, bar, nightclub – without having met her before, usually without alcohol (especially in the case of daygame), and definitely more consistently than the average guy. Back in the day there was a common view that the “first 3000 approaches didn’t count” as you were “building up a skillset”. This “practicing” viewpoint in my view can often lead to a real risk of the guy in question actually hindering his progress, as well as developing an unhealthy PUA identity. I’ll illustrate by example. Here is a path / sequence that a newbie might follow as he improves:
Path To The PUA Identity:
1:/ Approach and get blown out
2:/ Approach and get blown out less
3:/ Approach and not get blown out less and have short conversation
4:/ Approach and have longer conversation and collect numbers which flake
5: Approach and have longer conversation and collect numbers which don’t flake and lead to Day2
6:/ Have Day 2′s which infrequently lead to sex
7:/ Have Day 2s which more frequently lead to sex
And of course, other variables come into play such as the hotness of the girl etc.
Avoiding The PUA Identity
I am not saying this is an accurate depiction of most guys path, just that it is a commonly held viewpoint. I never actually agreed with this viewpoint. I certainly don’t believe this sequence needs to be followed if you approach things in the right way. To take the approaching example, I advocate approaching the women you really want and expressing sexual energy, and actually trying to get laid or pursue what your heart and balls tell you with the girl in question.
Here is a key distinction : some guys think they need to take “baby” steps and actually set up their own roadblocks in their mind about their progress. To me this is nuts! You will find that the woman will put up plenty of her own roadblocks, you don’t need to invent more! (This approach is also inefficient by the way).
Approaching Girls And The PUA Identity
Take this away : next time you try and approach a girl – take it as far as you can. .Literally try and take her to bed – on that day , in that timeframe (unless of course you have something better to do!) If you can’t do it in that timeframe, get her number and MEAN IT. You need to develop what I call the killer instinct. Or if you prefer a sales analogy : Always Be Closing!! I didn’t mention this in my “About Me” section of the website, but as I was learning this stuff, my “practice” consisted of actually fuccking girls on a regular train journey between Milton Keynes and London (this was 6 years ago) – in a 40 minute journey – to and from work! When you go out, try to adopt a similar mindset. Don’t view it as practice. View it as going out to get laid!!
Go out to get laid
The other real danger with this approach is that if you get to the point where you live breathe and eat this stuff – where your ability to approach and “close” defines you – then I believe you’re on a potentially very dark path.
Warning Signs Of An Unhealthy PUA Identity!
I’m probably at around the 300 mark now – (I haven’t counted but it’s something like that) and truth be told nowadays I am not proud of it. It is a symptom of what I used to be like :
1:/ I had something to prove (mostly to myself)
2:/ My ability to get hot women consistently defined me. I made a PUA identity out of it.
3:/ I had a much less healthy view on “rejection” and in some ways took it as an affront to my dignity and identity.
I’ve met guys (very few but they are out there – and they are usually not PUAs!) who have slept with more women than me and continue to do so.
The PUA Identity And Sleeping With Lots Of Girls!
I remember during the few years that I slept with girl after girl, week in week out, I often felt unhappy if I wasn’t getting the results I was used to. On some level I felt I HAD to approach and sleep with more women. I would sometimes kick myself if I didn’t do it, if an attractive girl walked past. I reacted badly to “rejection” It was like a fishook in my mind, a monkey on my back.
Growing Away From The PUA Identity Into Real Self Esteem
For the last few years, I no longer have this feeling. I feel more complete, at ease with myself, content in my own skin, relaxed and happy. This is what I want to impart to you. (As well as the killer pick up artist skills, obviously). It’s why I call my website “AuthenticPUA”. There is no mismatch between what I say and what I do. I approach and sleep with the women I really like (beauty is the 1st criteria, the prerequisite – but it’s not the only one). I never lie to them and I never lie to myself. I don’t worry about rejection because it is no longer my identity (and by the way I get “rejected” much less). I get hotter girls, more easily, more consistently, than ever before – despite my advancing years. Girls love being with me and they want stick around with me, despite me not being rich or excessively good looking (though I do have an extraordinarily large penis). JOKE HA HA.
Avoiding The PUA Identity : 2 Key Points
++In your development phase, follow what your balls and instincts tell you to do. Approach the girls you really want, etc etc. and take it as far as you can! Don’t put roadblocks in the way that you don’t need to.
++If you’re further down the path, recognise the symptoms that you have a PUA Identity as a pick up artist and that it defines you in an unhealthy way:
1:/ If you feel this monkey on your back, this nagging feeling to approach and screw more women.
2:/ If you handle rejection badly
3:/ If you can’t laugh at yourself and can’t take a joke about your “skill” with women.
4:/ If you find it hard to have a normal, loving relationship with a woman.
5:/ If you still approach a lot of girls.
If you’re affected by point 2 then I would suggest sitting down and having a good long, hard look at yourself and be brutally honest with yourself. Is what you are doing making you happy? Is it serving you? If it is not then start to change it.
PUA Identity – Other Key Distinctions:
If you’re feeling disinclined to approach – don’t fight it, it’s normal!
If you are having a “bad run” – or you’re not getting great results – don’t let it get you down and for gods sake don’t let this make you feel less of a man! Don’t panic about “losing it” , etc etc (does this ring a bell with any of you?). Think about how weak and disempowering this is and how it comes across to women! A pick up artist must be the only demographic who chases women he really isn’t that bothered about to validate a view of himself as a superstar PUA.
Rest assured that others have taken this path and the above symptoms are healthy , normal signs and should be embraced and responded to appropriately, not rejected. it means you are on your way to developping real self esteem and real inner peace.
And of course – having the ability to meet, attract and seduce the hottest, highest self esteem women you’ve ever met – and keep them.