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The PUA Identity, The killer instinct, Self esteem

reposted from

The PUA Identity – How It Develops (A Bit Of History)

The main difference between what a PUA learns and does – and what the average guy out there who knows nothing about this stuff does – is the PUA actually learns the skill of cold approaching. By cold approaching I mean: approaching a woman in any situation – street, bar, nightclub – without having met her before, usually without alcohol (especially in the case of daygame), and definitely more consistently than the average guy. Back in the day there was a common view that the “first 3000 approaches didn’t count” as you were “building up a skillset”. This “practicing” viewpoint in my view can often lead to a real risk of the guy in question actually hindering his progress, as well as developing an unhealthy PUA identity. I’ll illustrate by example. Here is a path / sequence that a newbie might follow as he improves:

Path To The PUA Identity:

1:/ Approach and get blown out

2:/ Approach and get blown out less

3:/ Approach and not get blown out less and have short conversation

4:/ Approach and have longer conversation and collect numbers which flake

5: Approach and have longer conversation and collect numbers which don’t flake and lead to Day2

6:/ Have Day 2′s which infrequently lead to sex

7:/ Have Day 2s which more frequently lead to sex

PUA has sex

And of course, other variables come into play such as the hotness of the girl etc.

Avoiding The PUA Identity

I am not saying this is an accurate depiction of most guys path, just that it is a commonly held viewpoint. I never actually agreed with this viewpoint. I certainly don’t believe this sequence needs to be followed if you approach things in the right way. To take the approaching example, I advocate approaching the women you really want and expressing sexual energy, and actually trying to get laid or pursue what your heart and balls tell you with the girl in question.

Here is a key distinction : some guys think they need to take “baby” steps and actually set up their own roadblocks in their mind about their progress. To me this is nuts! You will find that the woman will put up plenty of her own roadblocks, you don’t need to invent more! (This approach is also inefficient by the way).

Approaching Girls And The PUA Identity

Take this away : next time you try and approach a girl – take it as far as you can. .Literally try and take her to bed – on that day , in that timeframe (unless of course you have something better to do!) If you can’t do it in that timeframe, get her number and MEAN IT. You need to develop what I call the killer instinct. Or if you prefer a sales analogy : Always Be Closing!! I didn’t mention this in my “About Me” section of the website, but as I was learning this stuff, my “practice” consisted of actually fuccking girls on a regular train journey between Milton Keynes and London (this was 6 years ago) – in a 40 minute journey – to and from work! When you go out, try to adopt a similar mindset. Don’t view it as practice. View it as going out to get laid!!

Go out to get laid

The other real danger with this approach is that if you get to the point where you live breathe and eat this stuff – where your ability to approach and “close” defines you – then I believe you’re on a potentially very dark path.

Warning Signs Of An Unhealthy PUA Identity!

I’m probably at around the 300 mark now – (I haven’t counted but it’s something like that) and truth be told nowadays I am not proud of it. It is a symptom of what I used to be like :

1:/ I had something to prove (mostly to myself)

2:/ My ability to get hot women consistently defined me. I made a PUA identity out of it.

3:/ I had a much less healthy view on “rejection” and in some ways took it as an affront to my dignity and identity.

I’ve met guys (very few but they are out there – and they are usually not PUAs!) who have slept with more women than me and continue to do so.

The PUA Identity And Sleeping With Lots Of Girls!

I remember during the few years that I slept with girl after girl, week in week out, I often felt unhappy if I wasn’t getting the results I was used to. On some level I felt I HAD to approach and sleep with more women. I would sometimes kick myself if I didn’t do it, if an attractive girl walked past. I reacted badly to “rejection” It was like a fishook in my mind, a monkey on my back.

Growing Away From The PUA Identity Into Real Self Esteem

For the last few years, I no longer have this feeling. I feel more complete, at ease with myself, content in my own skin, relaxed and happy. This is what I want to impart to you. (As well as the killer pick up artist skills, obviously). It’s why I call my website “AuthenticPUA”. There is no mismatch between what I say and what I do. I approach and sleep with the women I really like (beauty is the 1st criteria, the prerequisite – but it’s not the only one). I never lie to them and I never lie to myself. I don’t worry about rejection because it is no longer my identity (and by the way I get “rejected” much less). I get hotter girls, more easily, more consistently, than ever before – despite my advancing years. Girls love being with me and they want stick around with me, despite me not being rich or excessively good looking (though I do have an extraordinarily large penis). JOKE HA HA.

Is all this work really worth it?

Avoiding The PUA Identity : 2 Key Points

++In your development phase, follow what your balls and instincts tell you to do. Approach the girls you really want, etc etc. and take it as far as you can! Don’t put roadblocks in the way that you don’t need to.

++If you’re further down the path, recognise the symptoms that you have a PUA Identity as a pick up artist and that it defines you in an unhealthy way:

1:/ If you feel this monkey on your back, this nagging feeling to approach and screw more women.

2:/ If you handle rejection badly

3:/ If you can’t laugh at yourself and can’t take a joke about your “skill” with women.

4:/ If you find it hard to have a normal, loving relationship with a woman.

5:/ If you still approach a lot of girls.

If you’re affected by point 2 then I would suggest sitting down and having a good long, hard look at yourself and be brutally honest with yourself. Is what you are doing making you happy? Is it serving you? If it is not then start to change it.

PUA Identity – Other Key Distinctions:

If you’re feeling disinclined to approach – don’t fight it, it’s normal!

If you are having a “bad run” – or you’re not getting great results – don’t let it get you down and for gods sake don’t let this make you feel less of a man! Don’t panic about “losing it” , etc etc (does this ring a bell with any of you?). Think about how weak and disempowering this is and how it comes across to women! A pick up artist must be the only demographic who chases women he really isn’t that bothered about to validate a view of himself as a superstar PUA.

Rest assured that others have taken this path and the above symptoms are healthy , normal signs and should be embraced and responded to appropriately, not rejected. it means you are on your way to developping real self esteem and real inner peace.

There is no greater feeling than fucking a hot wet pussy

And of course – having the ability to meet, attract and seduce the hottest, highest self esteem women you’ve ever met – and keep them.

I banged my first 24 year old Chilean tourist

Reposted from Krauser's PUA Adventure

Here’s another textbook same day lay. Learning Daygame is as much a habit as it is a skill so having not done any in London since last summer I was getting rusty. Avoidance weasel was getting vocal

It’s winter. Your libido is supposed to be low. Just wait till it warms up

There’s no pretty girls out in cold weather. Just look at that snow!

What’s the rush? You don’t care about notches anyway. Didn’t you write a post on it?

He’s a difficult chap this weasel, always finding reasons not to approach women. So I overrule him. It’s a new year and I’ve quit my job. All the girls on my rotation live in Central Europe so I’ve got nothing going on in London. I no longer daygame in London for “the lifestyle” and the identity. I don’t go out to improve my skills. That phase is long behind me. Now I go out if I’m in a good mood, or in this case if I have an empty bed. I go out to get a new girl.

Marginally warmer than this

Textbook Tip #1 – Go out. You need to make things happen.

I’m shivering under a thick woolly hat, my nose going numb. Piles of slush still lie against the kerb from last night’s snow. Not alot of people on Oxford Street. I force myself to open the first decent girl I see – a cute unassuming French twenty-year old. She likes me, there’s that flicker in the eye contact, but it’s logistically horrible. She’s about to meet the male “friend” she’s visiting and returns to Paris tomorrow. Either he’s fucking her or trying to. Either way I doubt I’d get her away from him so I take a flaky facebook. Next three sets are just unlucky. Nice girls, big smiles, but all in a hurry and not much into me.

I remind myself daygame is about flipping over stones. Just keep doing decent work, keep approaching and eventually I’ll encounter a girl who is available and into me. Then I’m in like Jimmy Saville. However, I’m over an hour into it and getting cold. There’s precious little to shoot at. I drift towards the Caffe Nero in Trafalgar Square to warm up and read my book. It’s awfully comfortable in those soft leather sofas.

Textbook Tip #2 – If your state is dropping, take a break. Regroup.

The sky darkens outside, the winter nights cutting in. I’m a little restless. I came out to find a girl and here I am sitting reading the autobiography of an Italian bank robber. I remind myself of my reference experiences. Daygame isn’t so tough. I’ve done it plenty. All four girls I spoke to today enjoyed the interaction. All were very pretty. Just keep churning it out. The pitbull is straining at the leash again. So I put my coat on and step outside…. into a blast of icy air… brrrrrrrrrr. A bus passes by and stops five metres up the road, like a siren song singing me to the warmth of my home. I resist. “Walk up to Bond Street at least, then get a bus” I tell myself and trudge out. I only need one scrap of good fortune. One girl.

Textbook Tip #3 – Choose your targets wisely, especially if your state is borderline.

I don’t kid myself that I’m shooting for the fences here. If I see a ten I’ll open just on general principle but I’m not in the mood for a challenge. I’m scanning for my favourite type of girl and as I reach Piccadilly Circus she appears in front of me like an apparition. She checks all the boxes:

•Dark features with coffee skin and long black hair
•Soft feminine dress sense with a cute little woolly hat
•Wandering around aimlessly, eyes wandering to all the old buildings
•Sensible shoes, jeans, warm clothes. Urban hiking gear

Over a year ago I once asked Tom from Daygame to write a list of characteristics identifying the best candidates for an SDL. He calls them “vulnerable”. Operationalise it, I asked. So he wrote a list and this girl checked most of the boxes. She’s clearly a tourist who is visiting London alone and spent the past several hours walking around. She’s cold, her legs ache, and she hasn’t had a real conversation all day. Hello, I’m Nick…..

and I’m a cute Chilean bird

Textbook Tip #4 – If you can’t organically build momentum, you’ll have to force it

It’s a slow start. She’s from Chile, in London for two days before returning to her friend in Paris to continue a Euro tour. She’s not giving off any IOIs except the most important one – making no effort to leave. Five minutes or so on the street and I feel just about enough of a hook to bounce to the idate, a pub 50m up the road. We settle in the upstairs lounge and she has a half pint of bitter (her first time in an English pub). Conversation is fine but twenty minutes in I realise I’m too logical, not drawing her onto the right topics so I shift gear. Classic forced-rapport questions:

If your friends were to describe you in three words, what would they be? (answer: intelligent, friendly, crazy)

How old were your friends in Chile when they first kissed boys? (answer: 11)

How do boys and girls meet in Santiago? Is it a bar culture? (answer: same as most countries)

She’s soon perked up and we’ve got good rapport. I kino test a few times. Oh, those owl earings are nice, let me see. Oh, take your hat off so I can see your hair (and then I fluff her hair up a bit). Oh, show me that ring. All I’m looking for is to touch her and see if she flinches away. Nope, she likes it. Green light.

I’m in full-on leading mode now and take her to a second bar where we sit side-by-side. More plausibly-deniable touching and I just sense the moment. I kiss her.

Her: You’re crazy!

Me: Yes

Her: This is so unexpected

Me: Yes. It’s fast

Her: You could be a dangerous killer

Me: Yes. I am

She can’t get enough of me now. Verbal rapport gives way to physical rapport as I pull her in, stroke her hair, hold her hand. Everything I can do to accelerate the comfort. I’m still not thinking of the SDL because she just doesn’t seem up for it. She’s too shy, giving too few signals. Avoidance weasel tells me to take a Facebook – as if I’ll ever see her again when she lives and works in Chile. Fuck that. I’m gonna push and push. I seed a bar halfway home. My biggest obstacle is distance because I don’t live in the city centre. It’ll be a long bus journey.

Textbook Tip #5 – There’s usually at least one big leap of faith in the escalation

We walk out to the bus stop on Oxford Street. She’s compliant and raising no fuss. As we buy a ticket and board she doesn’t seem too worried about the destination. In for a penny in for a pound – I decide to stay on the bus all the way home and forget the idea of a third pub. Now I shift into verbal bamboozlement mode to occupy her mind. Twenty minutes into the journey she’s finally a little antsy and realises we aren’t headed to this pub.

Her: [looking out the window] Where are we going?

Me: My place

Her: [long pensive look] Ok

We get wine from the corner shop and proceed directly to my room. I take off my shoes and tell her to do likewise then I disappear for five minutes to find wine glasses. It’s good form to leave a girl alone in your room for a while – her hindbrain calms itself with the knowledge she is free to leave. They never do leave. Halfway through the wine I pull her in and go for it. Ten minutes of half-arsed LMR and I’m banging her. Mid-bang I conduct a short interview:

Me: At what moment did you realise I was going to fuck you?

Her: During the bus journey

Me: At what moment did you look at me and think “yeah, I could fuck this guy”?

Her: In the second pub but it wasn’t conscious

Me: You like it that I just picked you up off the street and now I’m fucking you, don’t you

Her: Yes!

She never does this

Textbook Tip #6 – She’ll usually reconcile herself to the prospect of fucking you quite early on, before you’ve made any big moves

After she’s wiped my muck off her breasts and face she gives that dazed and confused look I’ve seen so many times on SDLs. What just happened? I can’t believe I did that! I never do this! She tells me I’m the eighth guy to fuck her and the first non-boyfriend.

Her: It’s so strange. One month before I came here I met a boy. I think I’m in love with him. So this is very unusual to me.

Me: I get what I want


I'm glad I'm not your boyfriend...

And now for an undercover revelation from inside the hearts and minds of an X nude model, X stripper, X escort, X lesbian porn star, and those who love her. Be careful what you ask for, Gentle Readers...

Hooker Game

Miss Lovely is not a hooker anymore. Technically, she never was.* BF said something about it. We know.

I'm so honored to have been Miss Lovely's last and final customer of her career as a call girl!
:-) (tear)

But ML won't discuss it with me, a "friend" and "former customer", on her own volition -- no talk, no texts, no emails, no ESP. I'm very glad if true! Of course, I have no way of knowing whether it's true or not...not ever...nobody does. Nobody knows what any significant other is up to, do they? And these bad girls are masters of Machiavelli. The Ultimate Pickup Artists. Do I care? Do I dare?

Even the definitions change in secret. "Customer" does not equal "friend"? "Working" does not equal FWFB? "Boyfriend" does not equal BF? Who the fuck knows? Getting played requires radio silence. Or lies.

To be fair, we're playing a far more serious game than that... The stakes are life and death. According to her doctor, she should be dead now... Big Brother wants to destroy everything in her life, even if it kills her... I'm trying to protect her...don't know if I can... Can't say life is boring hangin wit Miss Lovely!

Pimp Game

"He's not my pimp! Why does everybody keep saying that? I was an independent contractor," Miss Lovely declares for the umpteenth time. "BF thought he was driving me to 'stripper outcalls'." Until the cops set him straight. lol. Something about an irate GF running a sting with actual cops after stealing her BF's cellphone... He can't keep up with her 140 I.Q..

He's got his good qualities. Seems like a nice guy, once upon a time. Trying to be again? He stuck with her no matter how bad and sick she was. While he abandoned his 5 kids, and her family abandoned her. He's getting better. He'd make a great salesman, if he could stay clean and sober, unlike the other salesmen. PUA skills are just sales closing skills. The best salesmen are often former drug dealers.

BF: "I told her to quit bothering you," since I'm starting to crack under the financial pressure. But she needs money and transportation TO LIVE AND STAY OUT OF JAIL AND TAKE CARE OF HER BABY that BF refuses to work and pay for, or get disability and pay for. If I don't do it, someone else will? Would she let him? She needs daily rescue, 'cause being around BF 24/7 would make anyone go back to using just to escape, and whoring to survive (corporate whoring included). Companionship without drama of impending violence and loss.

"But he did pay my (pill) bills for awhile..." she pleads (with herself). And he tolerated EVERYTHING, while under the influence. She's a Good Girl who wants a good family life with her presumed babydaddy...a one-way-open relationship with her fringe benefits...prolly lots of FsWB. Don't know if therapy or love can fix that...or if it should be fixed. She's never had stability, too scary to start now? Instability feels more comfortable? Too dangerous to invest feelings in only one man? Or two? Or more? Diversified investment portfolio is a legitimate strategy to avoid financial and emotional loss.

"Being a (former) drug dealer don't count," I protest too much. "The risk of jail, addiction and poverty is to too high to maintain a sane relationship." Shooting up and going to jail together is not a sound basis to bond and build a stable family life. She's scared...still can't face that many folks in this world can't. Affordable price to pay for this lifestyle choice? This disease. It's a mystery of dissociation, a product of a lifetime of corporate and family brainwashing. But I can't compete with that, apparently. Do I want to? She wants to spend her life with dopers, in recovery or not, depending on the day, month and year. It's her Comfort Zone, currently restricted to recovering addicts and licensed addicts. I cleaned up a decade before she was born...that only gets me in the door, it don't close the deal...but now we're creating new disasters for bonding... I feel she's worth the effort.

BF cleaned up, only to keep up with Miss Lovely. BF got a job, to keep up with me. BF is satisfied to lose all his kids and go to jail and stay broke? BF is willing to risk her kicked out of her home for him destroying property and not paying rent while working? Of course he's still married to someone else, and soon to pay all his money in child support. Although he wants to, BF is not getting his GED, not applying for full-time work, not going to court and risking arrest. He's drowning. At least he signed up with a headshrinker, and may finally start psych meds...that typically drive folks insane or kill them...or help win disability where he needs to be for a stable home life. I admit that spending time with a drug-addicted working girl is a huge distraction to financial success...requiring plenty of psymeds and talk therapy. She's no longer drugs, just drama, and love for her new baby...a healthy addiction? A natural addiction required for survival of the human race, that government wants to destroy.

BF is busy reading her texts and sending her texts(!), instead of going to court and the shrink (I admit reading a ho's phone is entertainment, so long as you don't give a fuck). As if she's not mad enough at dealers and customers to do that herself -- startin to feel that healthy rage! "If I wasn't using I'd kill all my customers." Well, she's not using any more... It's her "friends" he's worried about? Me?

I offered her a place to live -- same as her other "X" lovers in love wit her are beggin. In case doper BF stayed on dope, she asked me to be ready to move in with her to accomplish her emergency goals...I said Yes. The M-word was spoken, in case of legal necessity...a concept too scary for her inner childs.

"You don't get something for nothing," I didn't tell BF. "Do you really think I'm gonna invest all my time, life and energy, go through all kinds of stress, and throw away every spare dollar I have, even giving up my renta-girls to fuck, to pay all of Miss Lovely's bills, just so you can lay around HER house 24/7 and run abusive pimp game on her?" I didn't say. "The house where she refuses to have sex with you 27 days every month, but does have sex with me...and other men who love her... WTFU!" I want to say.

BF's fav term of endearment for Miss Lovely...

Pimp Hand
1. The hand used to smack your ho's around.
2. The ability to be a pimp who has control over his ho's and brings in mad money as a result.
"My hos know that they will get a strong pimp hand if they don't do as I say and bring me cold hard cash hourly."
3. "My pimp hand is strong, that's why I have all this gold jewelry and flashy clothes" - or - "My pimp hand is weak, and my ho's aren't representin'"
4. A sign of virility, strength or social efficacy. An informal measure of one's ability to mack, pimp, or generally to get play, action or get your freak on. Generally characterized as "strong" or "weak."
5. To "exercise one's pimp hand": to increase one's skill at short-term sexual interactions, or to demonstrate such.
6. One's ability to control one's bitches.
7. A back-handed slap, used to emphasize superiority, or a forthcoming need to choke a bitch.
"Damn, son! Yo' ass picked up some *fine* bitches last night! Yo' pimp hand is strong!"
"You're losing your touch, man. Come out to the club tonight so we can exercise your pimp hand."
"His strong pimp hand keeps his hos in line."
"You gonna take that shit?! Introduce yo' pimp hand to that bitch ass motherfucker!"
-Urban Dictionary

Donkey Punch with Alex Devine is BF's fav term of endearment for Miss wonder her friends want to kill him?

Donkey punch is a slang term for a fictitious (sic) sexual practice supposedly performed during doggy style sex, particularly anal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner on the back of the head or in the lower back to make the receiving partner's anal or vaginal passage tense up, thus increasing the pleasure of the penetrative partner. In fact, there is no reflex in humans that would cause such tensing in response to a blow on the head, although striking a partner on the back of the neck or head could cause severe, even lethal injury. The adult film star credited as the first known recipient of a donkey punch is Gia Paloma, who had the act performed on her by Alex Sanders in the 2004 film Gutter Mouths 30. Donkey Punch, a pornographic film premised around the act, was released by JM Productions in 2005. The film consists of four scenes in which the male actors engage in rough sex with their female co-stars, punching them repeatedly in the head and body throughout. In response to her experience on the set, performer Alex Divine allegedly stated "Donkey Punch was the most brutal, depressing, scary scene that I have ever done". U.S. Senator Maria Cantwell, in a 2004 press release about the Enron hearings, identified the Donkey Punch as "a crude pornographic term", one of many "lewd acts" that Enron employees used to describe their schemes. The term received extensive coverage online after it was mistakenly given as an answer on the January 16, 2012 broadcast of the game show Jeopardy!.
-Wikipedia, Donkey punch

"Ok, I am finally going to reply to this.... DONKEY PUNCH was the most brutal, depressing, scarey scene that I have ever done. I have tried to block it out from my memory due to the severe abuse I recieved during the filming. I had been made to believe that the scene was going to be more sex, penetration, and rough as opposed to being 'beat up' with a few penetrations. The guy, Steve French has a natural hatred towards women in the sense that he has always been known to be more brutal than EVER needed. I agreed to do the scene thinking it was less beating, except the 'punch' in the head. If you noticed, steve had worn his solid gold ring the entire time, and continued to punch me with it. I actually stopped the scene while it was being filmed because I was in too much pain. I begged for him to remove the ring but he refused. That almost made me walk off the set and say 'fuck it'. I sucked it up and wanted to finish so i would be paid. With he ring on his hand still, we continued the scene. Now i am not sure how much you all know about me, but I have had some major surgeries on my head. One was on the lower back right of my skull.... The doctor never replaced the bone there because it grows back on its own. It had been several years since that surgery, and i now have grown a strong cartilage in place of my missing bone. I had specifically explained that Steve could not hit that spot, and that anywhere else on my head was fine. I explained this to him as well, showing him on my head the places. He acknowledged the request of mine. As the pop happened he punched me several times in the head. Exactly where he was told not to. He did it with the ring on too. You can hear me scream in pain 'wrong side! ow, ow, wrong side!' in the movie and trailer. I had to re-do the pop shot/donkey punch for 'better footage' while in pain, and he wore the damn ring again. At the end of my scene they had me sit on the couch with the directors and explain that I was ok and was willing to do the scene. I was in tears I sincerely hope that no one enjoys that scene. I want to cry when I think about it."
-Alex Devine, Adult World News

Alex talks to French more than 8 times about hitting her with "that hand" or "that ring" for the scene. She does laugh about it once early on, but is definitely angry about it towards the end of the shoot. Alex threatens to "not finish the shoot" to the cameraman about 2/3 of the way thru the scene if French "uses that hand again." French tries to choke her a couple of times and she clearly says "don't choke me," to him...and he complies. He even says (staying "in character" it would seem) "I won't choke you" or "I won't hurt you," and complies with her request to not choke her. So clearly, he could understand her and, when he wished, not do things she asked. During one of the early anal entries she cries out in pain and asks for a break, and he complies again, clearly understanding her and withdraws from her anus. The part where she is hit on the "wrong" side of her head (seen in the trailer) occurs WHILE French comes in her ass. She says quite plainly "PLEASE STOP" and pulls away, but he's already come. The cameraman/director THEN starts talking and says "WAIT, RIGHT THERE" and then the scene cuts as Alex pulls away from French and accuses him of hitting her on "the wrong side."
-SickandTired describes on ADT the Alex Devine scene in DonkeyPunch

I have been hearing about this video for a couple of months now but didn't give it much thought until I read the gut wrenching story of one of the participants. I mean not even I would have thought that they were doing this for real, that it wasn't staged. And even if it f stupid do you have to be to foist this on the adult industry at this time? Apparently you have to be as stupid as Jeff Mike, honcho at JM Productions. Who released this abortion. When I brought up the issue with Paul Fishbein, Head Honcho at AVN he had this to say: "We won't review Donkey Punch movies anymore." I, for one, do not want my name associated with an industry that would support this. This is not free speech, this is aggravated assault and aggravated assault is NOT protected free speech. So a BIG f--- YOU to JM Productions for having no concern for fellow pornographers. If they want to be an outcast I say fine, lets treat them as one. Distributors can refuse to carry their product, retailers can refuse to buy it and industry publications can refuse to sell them ad space. [ refused to stock it...good for them] And at the same time maybe all of the above can avoid the criminal charges that may come from having it on your shelves. Can we as an industry finally say "We may not know where the line is but this has certainly crossed it?"
-Mike South Vs. Donkey Punch

That's debatable. " No, it's not. Unless you think whether people should freely sit around & watch snuff movies is somehow a debatable issue. Or think that aggravated assault is somehow a "debatable issue." It just amazes me how many of you turn off your brains -- & any sense of decency -- once the blood starts flowing to your dicks (or clits, not to leave out the self-hating, mysogynist women out there who have learned to love & emulate their torturers). Glad it's all academic to you from your armchair, bub.
-David Aaron Clark, Steven French should be in jail - not in porn?

Donkey punching, for the blessedly unaware is usually an anal sex thing. The top punches the bottom in the back of the head. The shock of this is supposed to make the sphincter muscles contract, giving the penetrating penis a good old squeeze. What I said was: "there is no scientific evidence of a link between head trauma and the involuntary tightening of the anal muscles. Sadly there is also no scientific evidence that punching someone in the head will make them realise they should leave the relationship." What my friend said was: "My mate and his now ex g-f had a particularly kinky relationship and he said they did it all the time."
-Snopes Topic: Donkey Punching

Christians use porn on billboards to protect their womenz

"The way to get a hot girl is to ignore the fuck out of her. That's how I got this one!" BF preaches old skool PUA while attempting to beat her down with negativity and "comedic" threats of donkey violence. I've helped kill plenty for Uncle Scam, so water off a SEALS back for me...not scared of a "violent" pimp lol.

"I agree 100%," I play along. "Or just treat them nice as normal human beings, not hot bodies," I keep to myself. "That's why they throw themselves at me in the strip club and Fuckbook...that, and my money, of course, though some are now offering to pay me," I didn't say. These women are starved for affection and kindness...and orgasms...and good guys who don't run away with their panties in a wad. Every relationship requires money to survive... If you don't pay the bills, you don't get the girl. That's The Rule.

We're all fucked up a lil bit, in different ways, some more than others. We need to work as a team for all of us to survive. Everyone needs to share...and that includes Miss Lovely...

ML has BF there, not to love her as her butler manbitch, but to keep all other men away...except when pimpin her to strange men in strip clubs, which he's still willing to do to avoid work, or to avoid applying for disability ("I believe everybody who can work should work," whoring for him in a strip club or notel lol). She has BF on a $1,000-a-month retainer of free room and 4 free fucks. I'm the first she allowed to infiltrate her Cinderella castle on a daily basis...a castle I got her...and take her to play in strip clubs. Miss Lovely tries to introduce all her friends to BF, but they soon tire of paying his bills, or try to kill him. Hey, if he wants to share, more power to him. That's the price of hangin wit Miss Lovely. It's a very high price.

His insecurity resists her getting a regular job, "You'll run away with some guy at work..." Or going to rehab, "You'll forget all about me..." What did he say when she was whoring herself out? "I'm moving back to the trailer park," until she gave him her dope. He says, "I love you with all my heart. You're my soulmate. Now I'm gonna punch you in the back of the neck." Love is blind, and punchdrunk?

As she says, "He got that term from his homeboys a couple months ago." The niggas who taught him how to run pimp game on her with threats of violence while we were fucking all night, by making the calls for him....we had a good laugh. "It's just joking around... I love him, but I'm not in love with him... Time for a change..." Good, don't want her to become the next hoodrat. Too late?

She gave me a big hug and Thank You...all by herself. No PUA on my part at all. Something about my writing skillz. That's new!


"It's no trouble to help you. I enjoy it. It's certainly interesting, hardly never a dull moment," I tell her as we drive enjoying our few minutes of freedom from BF. "I can't let you die or lose your baby, because I love more than a friend," I wish to say, but won't.

"Thank you. I'm still not feeling my feelings, clean and sober. I'm just trying to get through all this mess," she explains. Hard to feel feelings for one guy when fucking lots of guys, or nobody.

"Of course.......... Would you like to kiss me? Don't do anything you don't wanna do. We're not playing the hooker game anymore," I inquire. Since I'm driving, I don't want to play the PUA game 100% and make the first move. Safety first.

She tries to kiss me on the lips, but settles for kissing my cheek to avoid a fatality. My other X girl kissed me on the lips during that same fatality.

But ML passed the test... I smile.

If I dont play in the Preggie Friend Zone her doctor will kill me...literally

Friend Zone: If closing is a man's goal in the game, friendzoning is the woman's goal. Women do not want, initially, to date or fuck men--they want to be "friends" which means that they will assert their dominance by continually not fucking you. Not-fucking a man is the cruelest thing a woman can do without using a chainsaw, and for that reason women love to do it. Rumors that friends engage in any activities or relationship dynamics other than not-fucking are completely worthless propaganda spread by feminazis.
-The Pervocracy, A Brief Glossary of PUA Terminology

"So, you've got another week of the No Sex Zone, until your next O.B. appointment?"

"Maybe two weeks. Got to let the birth control kick in. As much as I love my baby, I'm not ready to have another one. For legal reasons."

"Yeah, you're super fertile right now. I'll give you a baby, if you want one," I joke a lil. I probably would, you know...I've never felt that way about a woman before...despite all the screaming red flags. "I think you're gonna be a great mommy!"

"Thank you but no thank you," she replies.

"So...can we discuss our, uh, 'relationship'? Whatever that is?" I throw a Hail Mary. Just a minute to our final destination.

"I'd rather not, not right now." Miss Lovely is shutting down with me, shutting down on herself, a normal reaction to the combat stress and PTSD she got this month. Can I open her up? Can I teach her love and sex can be one and the same, even for friends with benefits, financial or not? Guilt is a common problem with any fucking behind a BF's dope to block that pain... Gotta fill up that Love Cup before you can love someone else...

"So what's up with your offer of sex one day a week?" I inquire. "If you enjoy being with someone, why limit your own enjoyment? If you don't want to be with someone, why bother?" $$$ n sense -- why sabotage your fav man's ability to earn money or force him to spend elsewhere? 90% of her lovers don't get her off, rape her in the ass, fuck her mommy, steal her money, or try to kill her or her family, which might have something to do with it.

Nothing says 'I love you' to Miss Lovely like being bound and gagged and raped at 6 years of age (cry)

"That's just the normal deal I have with all my BFs. That's normal for all relationships," she replies with her little girly girl voice. The aliens have landed... Did she just say I'm her BF, or "a" BF?! Tossing crumbs from her sexual banquet...

"Where the fuck did that come from?"

"That's just the way it is for everybody," she hallucinated matter-of-factly from her history of one-way-open-relationships. At least she's honest about the torture, unlike most LTR girls and wives. Or maybe she's right?! Guess I'm tired of Mediocracy, ready to escape to The Other Place -- been there, done that, enjoyed it very much thank you.

noun: mediocracy; plural noun: mediocracies
1. a dominant class consisting of mediocre people, or a system in which mediocrity is rewarded.
-The Urban Dictionary

My brain races to calculate the implications and permutations. Is her sex-one-day-per-week offer to me based upon (1) asking me to NOT pay her major bills, with "free" sex as reward for my efforts during this emergency? So who will pay her bills? ML, BF, or her "friends" with financial benefits? She no longer has to pay rent and food thanks to my help. Am I now expected to be her monogamous 2nd BF too, her "half husband" as I call it, but without sleeping benefits? Is she falling for me and this is her way to avoid terror of jealous "feelings" by forbidding me having sex, with her or anyone else? (2) limit our marathon sex games to limit our dangerous growing bond of "love you like a friend"? (3) cut me back to stop her from falling in love with me, to avoid getting crushed like daddys did her? (4) just a technical legal trick in the law of contracts to cheat me out of my financial investments, a time-honored cash-and-dash trick of Hooker Game for aging customers to be got rid of -- that she keeps warning me her sugargramps fell for? (5) Hooker game to high-gross me while cutting me back to one day per week? (6) Multiple personalities don't want to share days or some such shit? (7) Dead habit from the Opium Daze? Or the most likely: (8) All her half-dozen "friends" get the same offer as me, "free" sex once a week, so long as a "gift" was made or "bill was paid" in a reasonable period of time -- "just friends helping friends?" She does have a couple of "BFs" she's been fucking without payment, not that what I am now? Is that all I am now? I'm flying blind here.

Or, is her sex-one-day-per-week offer her ultimate compliment? That's sweet! Thank you!

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for whatever time we get together. I just wonder if you're planning to permanently cut me off 100% from sex, as you've done for six weeks? Like you say you're doing with all your other X customers who are also your friends." Attractive successful friends of all ages in love with her and care for her, and want to marry her (and kill for her), and pay her bills when I can't. But not major bills unless she dumps BF and moves out of her own place and moves in with one of them. Only my manbitchery is willing to pay BF's bills, for now, finally with help from pimpdaddy Uncle Sam. Actually, she didn't really say that -- is she only cutting off the 90% of customers who don't get her off, rape her in the ass or try to kill her? Are all her 10% "friends" getting the same deal as me, despite making 1% of my financial contribution and personal sacrifice during these past 3 months of "celebacy" (while they were busy saving their money and fucking hookers)? Or, will her friends be required to pay bills in return for sexual favors? She did cut me off sex after the end of her pregnancy, even BJs and HJs...despite my massive investment and stress during this emergency. It's "understandable" with the deadly stress she's under that would kill most people (lack of the "right" human touch actually increases her stress level...). Perhaps celebacy is all that's saving her life?

Or, is she really going monogamous with BF, maybe/maybenot fucking me one hour a week max, depending on her mood that day, and my PUA skills? Typical Good Girl bullshit...that's why I love hookers! I've never fucked the real Miss Lovely, clean and sober...looking forward to it, if she'll have me?

These are questions I have that are not being answered, and probably never will be.

I feel her slipping away... I feel our honesty slipping away...I will miss that...but I'm willing to fight for it... An open relationship with honesty, what a brilliant idea...for a one-way ticket to the loonybin. (sarcasm, or sanity?)

"No, I just can't think about that right now. I'm focused on more important things," she replied with dead seriousness. Same here, as I spend dozens of hours this week solving her problems all by my lonesome, sans PDA. I hope this new stress don't kill her love inside. I see a lot of potential there. It's my mission to feed and nurture that love, and see what God lets her be. She has flashes of brilliance -- a kind and nurturing soul, trapped in a raped and broken mind. With a wicked sense of humor, a beautiful laugh, a sexual overdrive, and looks to kill for, literally.

"I understand. If you cut me off, for whatever reason, that's fine with me," I take away. "You are most important to me. I only want what you want. And it would save me a lot of money lol!" Cutting me off is a real possiblilty, once I get all her support network in place, if only because our time and opportunity will become much more limited. Fair enough, I'm ready to face the Dating Game, probably. I will miss her, very much, at first, fading to a warm and fuzzy memory some day...a pleasant detour to disaster on the highway to Heaven, passing through Hell.

At any rate, there's a legal issue to solve before any relationship can survive. I will stick it out and help my young friend succeed at that. Even my old alky ex would agree, I do go all the way for my true friends. Bottom line, this is an affair, I'm the 3rd wheel, probably no more overnight dates (really sends BF off the deep end she says, but didn't care on dope), everything Top Secret covert ops, typical sucking while fucking...prolly without meeting daily emotional needs...certainly without meeting my daily sexual needs. I will miss her so much...until her replacement.

I will be replaced instantly, I'm sure, as is her way -- the secret to feeling no pain of rejection, and no thrill of love. A shark can't stop swimming, or it dies. Will she even notice I'm gone? Is that part of her gone, forever, lost in the shadows of her soul?

I'm still in the market for a real GF...that you never find until you live life and stop looking. Wide open throttle. Except now I'm stuck in a parking lot, waiting on Miss Lovely's next appointment. I'm turning down real dates with hot women...or fucking them up by distraction.

This is my most dangerous game, 'cause thanks to paying all her bills during this extended emergency, the only pussy I see now is Miss Lovely's, exposing my heart to the flame of an unavailable lady with zero interest in monogamy, which is why BF is now insane... I REALLY don't wanna go down that road, no matter how often Miss Lovely begs me to. She's gonna have to be devoted 100% sexually to me, or allow me an open relationship, too. I won't give up my power to be a man...I can't if I want to pay for my life and hers. The only exception I'll allow is letting her play with all the hot ladies she long as I get to play too. She says she has feelings for me, a side effect of the opiate oxytocin, manufactured inside her brain during the many orgasms I gave her...and perhaps our long discussions on life?

It's a bumpy road, but I'm enjoying the ride...sometimes. I know I could be enjoying it a lot more...

The biggest problem I see with falling for working girls are the illegal their LTR BFs...break one, you've still got the other...beat both and all you got left is a broken doll to fix, love, or throw away... Then there's the thrill of the chased, very tough to beat that addiction, perhaps impossible for "good guys" to replace without joining the Dark Side. But frankly, isn't that what all girls are like? My ex was fucking two guys before I married her -- one married, one abusive. Perhaps a third, she was never clear on that? I have no idea if she was monogamous during our three months living apart after the honeymoon. My X was just as silent treatment as Miss Lovely...with similar backgrounds of rape and amnesia. X had tats and bros jailed for dealing, despite their government jobs. Eventually, X got addicted to legal shit, too. 60% of women are addicted to food -- the deadliest of all opiate addictions, and most damaging to sexual and mental health.

Time to play the Honesty Game

W&H stuck in the Preggie No Sex Zone despite massive investment opportunities...

"So, did you give BF a blowjob this week, or not?"

BF had been bragging about it, but something about his sheepish grin spooked me from a follow-up question. Sometimes it's best not to know...

"Sort of," Miss Lovely explained. "It was just like 30 seconds. He had to finish on his own."

"WTF! You made your own BF give himself a handjob?!" lol

"Yup." ML smiled. That smile makes me smile, but scares me more than a lil bit...a lot, actually. A LOT. Actually, she does the same to me during her three months of preggie celebacy, which I confessed to ML. Can't tell BF that, perhaps that's why I wisely skipped his punchline?

"You know, you really need to ask your (old man-hating-lesbian-or-soon-will-be) therapist to help you figure out why you make almost all your BFs agree to have sex only one day per week. That kills intimacy and love. Which may be why you do it. Let's face it, you have a Hell of a lot more sex than that!"

She mutters some incomprehensible rationalization. "I wish you could know how it is I'm feeling. I'm emotionally fucked up. Then YOU wouldn't feel like that," she explained. "I'm usually fucking 4 or more 'friends' every week, so of course I limit each one to one hour a week so my pussy don't get wore out," she didn't say.

"Hell, I was having way more sex with you than your BF!" That's what friends are for.

She smiles and nods her head... "You're pretty smart, for a guy."

"I'm glad I'm not you're BF! Hahahahahahahaha." Or am I??? O shit. I can't keep up with her 140 I.Q..

Strip Club

ML invites me (to pay for) dinner and a movie with BF. Gotta save money for me and BF to pay her legal and work-related bills. It's a trap.

When I arrive, they're playing the Drinking Game and she's getting whored up for the bikini "dance" club, to play with her girls.

She hasn't learned her life lesson that when the going gets tough, the tough take care of friends -- unlimited fun for free. Guess when it's so easy to buy bitches, booze (and pills), or ho yourself out (one way or another) for "donations", who needs real friends?

Good to see her skills of man manipulation haven't been tempered by the current tempest. (sarcasm)

I agree, it feels nice to blow off steam before exploding. But it just adds to the stress of those who must pay for it. Or try to pay for it. To keep her from going to jail, etc.

We go to her fav club, she immediately hooks up with her fav faux lesbian dancer. Miss Lovely gets a face full of boobies, plus a public breast exam while standing at her old stage. BF paying for a change (because my car runs for free). No money for lapdancing in the VIP makeout booth. She and BF played some pool with their Vixen, while I massaged the beautiful body and legs of a hot little spinner, Cheri, who promptly went psycho when a customer walked up behind her and touched her without asking (jealous of me?). Ha. Typical rape response...guys don't realize how much battle damage these ladies endure. Gotta meet n greet the lady who keeps telling her friends I'm hot...that's what I call potential...wish she'd just introduce herself, or did she? I'm getting a reputation in this club...

Stripper Game

Miss Lovely is now a customer not a lapdancer, so she's fair game for getting played by the dancers. Funny to watch, actually. Glove's on the other foot now! Vixen tells her how she brings home girls to play with her and her BF, but mostly her since BF is not allowed to fuck 'em...but she won't give out her # (or did she?). Same Vixen who lived in a van with hideous BF and babygirl? We've all been there, haven't we? Players get played the hardest, sometimes. Karma's a bitch, in heat.

But it was a nice fantasy evening among friends. ML and BF really needed it, apparently they'd never played pool before. Didn't spend much money, really. Too bad money's so tight at the moment. That will change for all of us very soon. If it don't kill us first. I can think of plenty of things I'd rather be doing...

Time to go to our empty homes.

I hug Vixen a lil too tight. "Thanks for being so nice to my friend."

"You're welcome!" she replied with a surprised look on her pretty face.

ML couldn't stop talking about Vixen's implied "offer" when she got home with BF... Future Broken Heart Syndrome? lol. Hope it's not mine...

* "Escort" does not mean "hooker"

Slut Game

No longer a callgirl, but still horny as a 21-year-old can be without dick for nearly 3 months (except for mine). What's a girl to do when BF only gets it one day a week?

She still answers texts from old BFs she fucked daily in rehab "to relieve the boredom" (just like now when she's clean n sober...), but I'm not allowed to send her sexts anymore, now that BF reads (and answers!) her texts. Fuck I will miss that...with her. "BF can never know!" she warns...

"Why don't you just be honest with him?" Let him make up his own mind if he wants to stick around, clean and sober. Only lies allowed to dull the pain of reality?

Another incomprehensible nonanswer. I guess the world ain't ready for honesty...about anything. Am I ready for it? Can I handle it? Do I really want to?

Now that the Hooker Game is over, I can already feel the Lying Game begin...the favorite game of semipro sluts and manhos

Be careful what you ask for....... I wish I were her BF...........

I hope it's my dick in ML's pussy...and her friend's

UPDATE: BF has now quit "punching Miss Lovely in the back of the neck," thanks to reading her email links to this blog... Now if I can just get her fuck "friends" from choking her to death... "It's just a fetish. Some people like it to get off. He didn't mean to choke me unconscious. I didn't knwo that at the time, so I fought back as best I could. He figured out I didn't like it when I bit him. It's just a fetish." No, it's either stupid, insane or murder...all because she needed the drugs...that she no longer needs.


by Limp Biskit

I came into this world as a reject
Look into these eyes
Then you'll see the size of these flames
Dwellin on the past
Its burnin' up my brain
Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain
Hey I think about the day
My girlie ran away with my pay
When fellas come to play
No she stuck with my homeez that she fucked
And I'm just a sucker with a lump in my throat
Hey, like a chump
Should I be feelin' bad? No
Should I be feelin good? No
Its kinda sad I'm the laughin' stock of the neighborhood
You would think that I'd be movin' on
But I'm a sucker like I said
Fucked up in the head, not!!
Maybe she just made a mistake
I should give her a break
My heart will ache either way
Hey, what the hell
Watcha want me to say
I wont lie that I cant deny

I did it all for the nookie
The nookie
So you can take that cookie
And stick it up your, yeah!!
Stick it up your, yeah!!
Stick it up your, yeah!!
Why did it take so long?
Why did I wait so long, huh
To figure it out? but I did it
And I'm the only one underneath the sun who didn't get it
I cant believe that I can be deceived
By my so called girl, but in reality
Had hidden agenda
She put my tender heart in a blender
And still I surrendered
Hey, like a chump


I'm only human
Its so easy for your friends to give you their advice
They tell you to let it go
But its easier said then done
I appreciate it
I do, but just leave me alone
Leave me alone
Just leave me alone!!
Just leave me alone!
Aint nothin' gonna change
If you can go away
Im just gonna stay here and always be the same
Aint nothin' gonna change
If you can go away
Im just gonna stay here and always be the same
Aint nothin' gonna change
If you can go away
Im just gonna stay here and always be the same


You Don't Marry The Stripper, You Just Date Her

by Carridale

You're spreading around this town like a fever of a hundred and three but you won't get close to me. This isn't getting any easier, but I don't wanna do away with her. Cut me to my knees it shows me everything I need to know. So come on and just say it. And I'll be sure to listen up for you. I want it all, baby all you could give to just get me through. My head's been spinnning cuz I keep thinking about those summer nights. Our favorite songs played all night long under the start on Chula Vista Dr. And it kills me to understand the lies you fed me at that time, but I'm so pathetic, I don't regret it, I'm still wishin you were hear tonight. So cut me to my knees it shows me everything I need to know, about the way it goes, when a girl like you meets a boy like me. And its all so irrelevant, it's all so decadent. I just can't take it. I'm so frustrated. Because another boy will take you home.

You Can't Turn a Whore into a Lady

by Rebel Son

She's Gone Back To Whorin'

by Roger Allen Wade

She's a-gone whorin'
That's what I heard
She's somewhere snorin'
With some old rich bird
You know the things that I gave her
Musta got kind of borin'
Last that I heard she done
Gone back to whorin'

She's gone whorin'
This ain't her first rodeo
She makin' a fortune
Screwin' dudes she don't know
I asked her she told me
"Darlin' it's my job
I'll suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
'n suck the corn off a cob"

She done gone whorin'
This ain't her first time
I gots some lovin'
When I'm down to my last dime
She look like an angel
But my life's a wreck
I'd go from hell straight to heaven
If she'd take a check

She's gone whorin'
She's a good girl
She got fish net hoes
And too much jerry curl
I miss her when I'm lonesome
When I'm horny real bad
She ain't too cheap, Lord
But she's the best that I've had

She's gone whorin'

Pretty Girl Rock

by Keri Hilson

Uh uh uh ah uh uh
I can do the pretty girl rock, rock
Rock to the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Now what's your name

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my, it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's with you
I don't gotta talk about it baby you can see it
But if you want I'll be happy to repeat it

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my, it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's with you
I can talk about it 'cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault, so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Aye, now do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock

(Now where you at?)
If your looking for me you can catch me (that's why)
Cameras flashing, daddy turned his head just as soon as I passed him
Girls think I'm conceited 'cause I know I'm attractive
Don't worry about what I think, why don't you ask him? (owoaah!)

Get yourself together, don't hate (never do it)
Jealousy is the ugliest trait (don't, never do it)
I can talk about it 'cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Doing the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock

All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Get along with your pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Still show me your pretty girl rock, rock, rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock

Sing it with me now
All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful


Best Day Of My Life

by American Authors

I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds
Wo-oah-oah-oah-oah-oh x2
I stretched my hands out to the sky
We danced with monsters through the night
Wo-oah-oah-oah-oah-oh x2

I'm never gonna look back
Woah, never gonna give it up
No, please dont wake me now

This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife


I howled at the moon with friends
And then the sun came crashing in
Wo-oah-oah-oah-oah-oh x2
But all the possibilities
No limits just epiphanies
Wo-oah-oah-oah-oah-oh x2

I'm never gonna look back
Woah, never gonna give it up
No, just dont wake me now

This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife


I hear it calling outside my window
I feel it in my soul (soul)
The stars were burning so bright
The sun was out 'til midnight
I say we lose control (control)


This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be the best day of my life
My li-i-i-i-i-ife
This is gonna be, this is gonna be, this is gonna be
The best day of my life
Everything is looking up, everybody up now
This is gonna be the best day of my li-ife
My li-i-i-i-i-ife

lyrics fuck suck naked nude sex girl woman prostitute prostitution victimless crime reform porn escort service country music song domestic abuse assault addiction cures

Calendar Gurl

A beautiful woman with a beautiful family, with a resume to hire for -- with a French maid outfit? We agree to meet and greet during a potential strip tease...uh, modeling session...

As I told Miss Lovely and Sabrina many times, now that I'm no longer married, I'm not looking for a hooker, I'm looking for a friend.

secret diary of a manho

BUT......... The biggest disaster in the history of blind dates -- accidentally sending your X-rated diary to the potential girl of your dreams, or at least the girl of your next First Date....... I did that...... Never mind that it makes little girl's pussies burst into flames.

She was a good sport...took it with a :-) ... I really enjoyed her text banter...75...and one mysterious phone call...

Whores & Hookers: Hi. I sent you a message that was intended for someone else. Pls dont click the links. Sorry! Hate it wen that happens.

Calender Gurl: Ok

W&H: Thnk u. Sorry bout that. I watched ur videos n cried. I will pray for ur family.

CG: Oh thank u. We need all the prayers we can get. Its tough. I get lonely at times but its ok.

W&H: Lonely is not so good. Im up late tonight if you wanna talk.

CG: Ok hun sounds good. Are u married?

W&H: Divorced 1 year how about u?

CG: Never married, single over a year now. Dont have a lot of time for men, but I do get lonely.

(we discuss our date arrangements)

CG: Oh just saw those links u accidentally sent to me. You perv lol. But if that's u in the pic u r very attractive. Im sure u have plenty of women.

W&H: Oh shit lol. The camera lies Im really much more attractive in person ha. Im very lonely or at least a lil lonely. Most of "my" models I just shoot for a few minutes or hours. Ur the hottie with men chasing you wit $$$.

CG: Who's chasing me with money?

W&H: Me next month anyway. How much u earn from modeling?

(discuss $$$ for pro shoots)

CG: Send me a pic of urself

W&H: I took the selfies this year but now my hair is less gray.

CG: I like the gray

W&H: Thanks just trying to keep up with the teenagers lol

CG: Teenagers? Why?

W&H: Models lol over 18

CG: Oh

W&H: My 21 year old friend didn't even notice :-( Maybe thats a good thing?

We discuss Playboy models I hang out with in boudoirs, her potentially posing nude for Playboy, :-)

Now, no contact for several days... Gone dark. One of her hottie BF's back in town?

He did

I apologize to CG -- I just love women...their beauty...their love...their life...and I'm lonely...hard to find someone actually available...without addictions of any kind to empty bed (almost) every one to hold and touch and kiss every day...anytime, anyplace...someone to text and sext...someone to dream with, day and night...someone to cry with, as needed...someone to massage, one hour at a time, without an appointment...someone to do dishes and chores with, naked... someone to play in a hot jacuuzi with, with or without suitable attire...someone to tickle, even when it leads to great sex...someone to fuck, anytime, anyplace, sometimes all night long... over and over...someone to give the gift of neverending orgasms...even when it makes them smile and laugh...uncontrollably...and maybe, just maybe...fall in love a lil bit.........I've had it all before, and I know I want it again....

Maybe not now...maybe years from now...

But no, I had to potentially fuck up my potential fuck. What a dick! LOL

'I love you' #3...Fucked her so hard she couldn't walk, literally

...Or it was the car...stiff suspension sportscar over railroad tracks...yeah that's it...

What's a typical day like hanging out with a nude model, stripper, call girl, porn star? Boring...or not? W&H gives you the inside scoop, Gentle Readers... BEWARE!

I arrive early to drive for a morning counseling appointment with my beautiful Miss Lovely -- 2 weeks till baby due date.

BF is not working today... Dang, brought my vibrator and lube for nuthin!

Miss Lovely asks me to go ahead and wait in my car. I tell her to hurry, the appointment is in 20 minutes. Not far, but still, it's best to be early rather than late.

Here comes BF to the car...didn't know he was going, too. I unlock the door and he climbs in shotgun, not his usual bitchseat. First time for everything...

"Fuck this shit! It's starting again...I'm moving back to the trailer park!" BF bitches.

"Why, what's going on? We've got a doctors appointment in 15 minutes..." I bitch.

BF explains, "She's got a customer coming any minute."

"WTF?!!!" Oh shit, now I get a dose of what BF goes through while I'm fucking his GF...Karma is a bitch! Sure enough, a couple minutes later the customer pulls up in the parking lot.

"That's Gene," BF points out.

It's so fucking weird to watch him walk up the steps to MY girl's home...she opens her door and lets him in... Green Monster makes an appearance... FUCK.

"She's a drug fiend! It's all about the drugs," I point out the not-so-obvious. "If we can eliminate the addiction, problem solved, no more whoring or hooking."

"It's not her fault. She's been through too much." BF loves her.

"I agree, she's just a girl in over her head with addiction. As she says, it's a disease. I would never judge her. She's a better person than I'll ever be," I apologize. "I refused her demands for dope money last night..."

"She'll always get the money from somebody else," BF looks at his feet. "She's really fucked up. There's no way to stop her." Hopefully, she's not fucking to buy him drugs, again...

"We have to get her on opiate blockers ASAP," I attempt the impossible, too late. She says she fucked up, shoulda gone on subutex after her first detox rather than waste time clean in rehab. But that would make baby addicted requiring 1 month detox in hospital with morphine, BUT IT'S LEGAL... Dr. X warned her DETOX AND BEING CLEAN WILL PROBABLY KILL HER. She kept bravely trying to beat it on her own, but her demons are too powerfully embedded in her brain, heart and body. "I know she can't live without it. She has to self-medicate her anxiety disorder. I'll pay for her prescription, subutex or seboxone (are nearly 10 times as addictive as heroin or oxycodone), $200 a month. This appointment right now is a first step toward doing that."

I can't imagine what BF feels at a time like this...oh yes I can! That's OUR girl in there...

"She's too fucked up and needs help. I hope this counseling and nutrition and thyroid test works on her anxiety disorder from the rapes," I wish. Her urine test proved she has the disease of pyroluria, linked to anxiety disorder and addictions, cured by niacin vitamin B3 and B6 treatment. Too bad doctors, counselors and cops don't believe in nutrition. Too bad the U.S. Congress is trying to ban all vitamins without a doctor's prescription, as already done in Europe.

I sext her..."Get that dik out n lets go!" lol

She soon replies, "Be nice!"

15 minutes later Gene walks out the door with a sour expression and drives off. This is so fucking wierd! Twilight Zone material... Jealousy and pain for her remixed. The extreme pain she must feel inside, to have to do this to buy dope to numb her pain. Sex is great when you love someone (and they love you back), but this can't be that, can it?

Miss Lovely walks out the door and down to my car. BF gets out. No XOXO. No "I love yous." ML gets in my car, shuts the door as BF walks to visit a neighbor and probably smoke some weed to "relax" (a very bad idea with the current legal situation...).

I'm in shock, but trying to do my job and get her to counseling on time, or at all. Is this an attempt to sabotage herself by missing her first appointment? An attempt by an alter to prevent integration of her multiple personalities? Or just an addicted rapes victim trying to feel normal -- and loved -- again? Damn, I wish I could have sex as much as her! Shut up, watch and learn how to be a manho, you idiot...

Back on point! WTF do I say? She gave me zero warning. I need to be strong for her, non-judgmental, non-mental.

"Uh, good morning," I stutter a little. "I didn't realize you had a prior appointment?"

"Good morning," she says in the most detatched expression I've ever seen.

Miss Lovely looks cute in her pink sweatsuit I bought her. She seems to wear that alot. Should I take that as meaning something, besides that I need to buy her more outfits? Almost all of her $300,000 income from whoring went to her drug dealers (the new pimps). I start driving.

"So how was your date with Gene?"

"He's an asshole."

"How do you mean?"

"He asks me to do things I don't want to do, and I can be stubborn."

"Sexual things?" I stick my nose into her business, out of morbid curiosity, and friendship.

"He wants me to move in with him out of state." That's horrible! For me!


"He thinks he's in love with me, but it's only lust. He doesn't even know me."

He's a monster! "I can understand why he's in love with you, you're a very nice person. I've never seen you be angry with anyone, and that's a very unusual quality."

"He's still an asshole. He's married with young kids. I hate that he's putting that at risk. He just wants a mistress, all to himself in some cabin while he's working away from home."

"So why do you keep seeing him if you don't like being around him?" I ask rhetorically.

"I need the drugs to feel normal." Compromise EVERYTHING for extremely overpriced phamaceutical medications on the blackmarket. Sex slavery for dope slavery. Big Pharma is getting rich off the addicts, too.

"So how did the appointment go? It was awfully short!"

"Just a handjob," she explained. "We did it sitting on my bed. He was too freaked by my pregnancy, couldn't have sex. He didn't cum."

"Darn that's too bad," I laugh (and cry inside). He doesn't know what he's missing! Thank God. At least he loves her, a little.

I take her hand in mine as we drive. Her hand that just held another man's hard dick. She feels so soft and gentle. I feel zero anger...that's very strange! "She's just a friend," I keep telling myself.

"I love a friend. I will never judge you. I know you need the drugs to feel normal, and that's the only way you can get them, for now."

"Hopefully these doctors can help?" Miss Lovely looks so lovely, like a little lost girl trying to find her way home.

We arrive. Time to navigate the palatial corridors of the outpatient loonybin.

Best defense is a good preemptive offense...MDs are the leading cause of death in USA, not counting MD's murder of 10-million babies every year in USA

We stand in line. WOW look at that hot Harley momma! A tall statuesque biker babe has brought her very young son for treatments. I'd like to take that lady for a ride! I, Man, Bear, Pig.


She's says, "No big deal, they said they'd fix it for the next appointment."

I sit with her in silence, offering her the stability of my impotent presence.

Once she goes to the back corridors with her young arrogant potential rapist, I give the desk girls a dose of reality.

"She needs a FEMALE counselor. She was previously raped and nearly murdered by a male counselor in rehab," I smile in controlled rage.

They calmly make a note in her records. Too calmly, I note.

She may have been violently raped and death-threated by female caregivers on many, many occasions, but the "men" did actual violence and attempted murders during their rapes, including a 3-day coma from the rehab counselor. She really needs a castrated eunich for a therapist.

She survived her male counselor, this time. Says she feels better. Only discussed the intake interview, no actual counseling. Good and bad for that. Says it will be 5 months before a psychiatrist can shrink her head with meds, with potentially deadly side effects. She made them note her prior diagnosis of anxiety disorder. VERY GOOD, for many reasons, medical, legal and financial.

Time for our next appointment of the day -- free food at a local charity. Her food stamps wont start until the end of the month. I'm doing everything I can to remove her financial anxiety so she won't have to fuck strange men (who love her) for food. We drive.

As usual, our conversations end up sexual. I like that about her. She seems most happy when that happens.

"So how many guys got you off in your working career?" I inquire.

"Very few even tried. Maybe 3 or 4."

"Out of hundreds?! Guys suck!" I smile and pretend to care, as if I don't.

"It wasn't hundreds," ML lies, probably. I see why she got so much repeat business. She explained the benefits of good sales technique, building rapport with customers, agressive followup sales, and doing anal -- 80% of customers wanted it, so she used bait-and-switch sales technique to get 'em in the notel door...but sometimes they raped her anally when she said no, then strangled her to unconsciousness and stole her money. Her 140 I.Q. took her far down the rabbit hole.

"Most guys are lazy and stupid," I complain that my competition is so easy to defeat on the battlefield of love. "You have to study sex, and work hard, to get good at it. Like anything else."

She gets her free food. Talks with the other MILFS. This is survival. Her parents certainly donated enough of their kids' money to this multi-billion-dollar church corporation/nation run by homosexual pedophiles.

Time to buy a fastfood lunch. She tells me her horrifying dream the night before. Her whole family was murdered. Damn! I record it with her permission. It's important?! This is a girl who refuses to watch any movie with a hint of horror...a typical reaction to someone who's seen real horrors. Beware the horrors of withdrawal from Roxicodone!

We bring a burger home to BF. He refused work today, for some reason. Depression? Withdrawal? Jealousy? Rage? At me?

We 3 laugh about no joy for Gene. Because it's no joy for BF too, these final few weeks before birth. But not for me...

"She don't tell me details," BF explained. He don't wanna know. I do. That's what significant others are for...

We joke about Miss Lovely moving to the Bunny Ranch in Vegas. Not a laughing matter!

"Yeah, I've thought about it," ML admits. "But it's dormatories, no BFs, no babies." No drugs. But it's LEGAL, as it should be everywhere, for the safety of the girls, and guys.

"BTW, BF don't like you calling me a whore," ML pouts in mock seriousness. "He prefers 'escort' or 'callgirl'."

"I apologize, I don't think you're a's a term of endearment!" BF denies reality. Miss Lovely uses that word all the time, with me...when fucking. And it's her favortite lyrics from the strip club and for fucking me.

"I think you're a good girl," I kid.

"ME a Good Girl?!"

"Yes, a Daddy's Girl."

"I mostly never had a daddy," ML pouts in pain. (Except for a convicted alcoholic stepdaddy who punched her in the bloody nose, driving her out of home at age 13.)

"You're a Wannabe Daddy's Girl." Or a Sugardaddy's Girl.

"I want to swap apartments with you. You can sleep here with BF. I need a break." From a BF who refuses to pay her bills, or his, or his kids', or allow other men to help her do so? Hmmm, perhaps I need to back off a little, let her crash n burn a little, or alot? But winners never quit and quitters never win...

Time to pay the piper and spend her hard-earned money...for the "last time" she promises. She says there's something calming about the needle, like when she was in so much pain and shutdown she cut herself to feel alive...a common symptom of dissociative identity disorder. First (and only) time I see BF shoot up with her. It's happytime in the shithole trailer park? He makes zero attempt to talk her out of it, nor admit she has to fuck other men to pay for his drugs, nor admit drugs kill his ability to earn money and provide for his family of abandoned kids. Denial is STRONG. Drug dealers...the new pimps, and slaveowners. She loves paying this bribe, so he won't leave her in Hell. What about me??? If I don't leave her, does that count, even if I escape from Hell dragging her (and him) with me?

We go babyshopping with her handjob $$$, and some family tythes. First time she's bought anything for baby, without my money. She spends less than $5. But I admit, she worked hard to earn that money, or at least worked on a hardon lol.

Food shopping. False labor pains so bad she can't walk. I find her a wheelchair. BF watches from the sidelines. SCORE.

Back to HER place (his name is not on the lease, he pays no rent, he's married to someone else). Hang out. Go home.

I text some PMA: "Thanx for starting dr today n free food n baby shop n makin me watch u give a crappy happy ending lol. i love u as a friend and god bless you and baby and maybe bf. And u are very beautiful for a preggy no matter what Gene the Asshole said."

I eat dinner, prep for jacuuzi. I get the sexts...

ML: "lol. wat u doin?"

W&H: "missin u"

ML: "wanna be bad one last time before baby?"

W&H: "k"

ML: "wen can u come?"

W&H: "9"

ML: "Why so late?"

W&H: "Unloading car, eating dinner and jacuuzi"

ML: ":("

W&H: "Ok 8"

ML: ":)"

W&H: "glad u want me so bad lol." (SHE WANTS THE DRUGS SO BAD)

If not me, somebody else, perhaps somebody to rob, rape or kill her... There's no stopping her, for now... Hang in there. Wait for the there for her when she needs you most.

I pick her up for the second time today. I feel her pain, a little.

"BF turned down a blowjob today!"

"So that's a bribe? He preferred the dope?"

"Yeah. I only do it for a few minutes, then quit, ha. He don't like handjobs."

"Glad you don't do that with me. And I love your handjobs!"

No answer from her "dealer". It's dark. You don't wanna be knocking on doors out here in the dark, unexpected...

She's back quicker than normal. Her dealer was naked. Ha. Long story. This day just gets weirder and stranger. We drive back to my place and a date with a jacuuzi. We never make it to the jacuuzi.

W&H: "Dont label me a trigger when you quit, 'cause I will only buy shit you need if you want to avoid the temptation of holding cash. If I'm really a trigger then cut me out forever, but I'd rather stay in your life."

ML: "I do want you in my life. Out of all the guys I fuck at work, only 4 told me they love me."

"I understand why your customers fall in love with you, you have a nice personality, I've never seen you be mean to anyone. You actually smile when fucking me!"

"It's easier to be happy. A frown uses more muscles in your face than a smile. Gene is in lust not love (handjob guy today who begs her to move in with him out of state). You were the only one who didn't get carried way, saying you 'love me like a friend'. I love you like a friend. [emphasis added] I had a BF for 3 years (who got her hooked on heroin at 13) but he was an asshole (who fucked her mom, went to prison for dealing, now rehabiltated and married). I dont think I've ever been 'in love'."

"I've been in love and it always ended badly. I'm probably put off marriage after this latest disaster (alcoholic ex wife meeting ML is still too painful to blog, plus no sex with wife last 10 years of marriage). I need a GF or 3 or 4. I need a hot body to spend the night with. Do you mind if I fuck other girls?"

"No," she lied.

"That's so cool. (warning prolly a trick question since she only allows monogamy from a BF!) I only got you 3 nights this year. BF is lucky he gets you 362 days and nights a year. He should apprecieate every minute he gets with you...I do. I dont feel guilty. It's your apartment, not his."

"Not quite. We lived in separate trailers for a few months (drug risk for his kids). In a motel together except for tricks. I lived with sugargramps for 2 weeks." And she has BF on her infamous 1-fuck-per-week plan, a contract he agreed to as condition for his employment as house bitch, guaranteed to kill intimacy and love..... Miss Lovely and I have a LOT more sex than that!

LAST TIME: For Drugs and Sex Before Baby

I've heard that before...

We arrive. No shower play, can't get hair wet for BF to find out. It's our affair, not his. She's ready to go...

We strip. She's so beautiful, for a preggie! Thank you for teaching me that! I had no fucking idea...

She lies back on my 700-thread-clouds. I spread her legs and climb between them.

My trusty vibrator goes to work. Her shudders cannot lie. She gets closer...

"Tell me you love a friend," I command.

(softly) "I love you, like a friend..." (she climaxes...)

We take a break, naked, in bed.

We discuss the New Rules for fucking in "BF's" apartment...I have to continually remind myself it's hers, not his-n-hers.

The Code Word, "BF is working." We need a better code word, since BF reads all her texts now...even texts answers to her texts pretending to be her...even refusing to give up her phone while singing along with his "pimp" songs (actual lyrics). Guess it beats working, for control of her life. Perhaps I should rename him PK -- Pimp Kidnapper?

I make the Standard Operating Mistake of Good Guys -- asking permission -- in theory, true for both Good Girls and Hookers.

"How do I know when it's a good time for you?" I play the pussywhipped.

"I want you to take me!"

FUCK! "Without asking?! Without payment?!" I'm shocked and honored. Doh...I've been doing it wrong all these years!

"How do I start it?"

"Tickle me."


"My back and inner thighs."

"Not feet?"

"No. And my boobies!"

"Wear shorts," I order her. "And shower before you text me. I want to fuck you cowgirl and doggie on your Daddy's couch. Then I want to fuck you in BF's bed, on that new comforter I got you. I want you to think of me when sleeping with BF under that comforter..."

Damn, that's an extra nice conversation. Time to FUCK.

Cowgirl, just the way she loves it. Her alarm goes off, I kill it. She keeps riding me.

As she starts cumming, I flip her doggie style, for an extra good pounding!

"Ohhhh I don't want it to stop......" she begs.

"I want to fuck you like this in BF's bed! We've already fucked many times in BF's bed at the notels. I want you to say something..."

"I love you like a friend... I love you like a friend... I love you like a friend..." she coos softly... She cums LOUDLY...providing much-needed entertainment for my neighbors lol.

No joy for me -- my ex wife broke my dick! Can't usually cum with a "short" time limit under 90 minutes. I'm just glad to make her happy, for a lil while. 3 guys fucked her today (or tried). All 3 struck out, no cum. A new record for Miss Lovely. Finally, for a change, and perhaps the first time in her life, she got her needs met, but her 3 customers didn't. Yes, BF is "just another customer..." It might not even be his might be might even be mine...

We drive her home to a furious BF...but..........


After a few minutes, slowly, she tries to stand but CAN'T...

BF walks to car, as we assess going to hospital for labor pains. We decide I must stay for possible evac to ER.

Once limping inside, she can't walk to the bathroom...

I wait for an hour until the pains stop, hanging out watching TV, after fucking "his" GF...HARD. Hey, she kept saying that's the best way to induce labor...

It was a strange and wonderful 12 hours with Miss Lovely...a typical day for her in many ways. An amazing day for her, in other ways. An amazing and agonizing day for me.

"See you tomorrow."


I drive home, alone.

He gets her, to himself. His celebate self... lol




I'm so honored to have been Miss Lovely's last and final customer of her career as a call girl! :-) (tear)

One month later:

"BF took 2 niacin 100mg and is red as a beet! Not for my face is long does this shit last?"
-Miss Lovely

"Ha ha. The niacin flush lasts about 30 minutes with instant release. Now you know that shit is POWERFUL. The extended release is more practical to take every day, that's what I do 500mg day. I tried 1000mg day instant release and thought I was gonna die, except I felt more alive than ever..."
-Whores & Hookers

Saved by the debriefing...and the Fuck Buddy Zone

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