During an evening with liquored-up friends, my buddy's superhot MILF told us about her last OBGYN exam.
The 2 male doctors asked her to put on a hospital gown and sit on the table for an ultrasound test.
On TV, they always show this test as rubbing a wand on the lady's belly. Apparently, that was not this test.
She said the docs produced a very large dildo-type device, which is the ultrasound thingy.
They ordered her on her back with legs in the stirrups, and they plunged this giant dildo in her lubed pussy.
She apparently didn't mind one bit...
She's a lot of fun to hang out with, and previously went to a strip club with us guys...taking extreme interest as I sucked the boobies of a stripper during a lap dance.
Somehow in the conversation she asked me if I masturbated.
I replied, sure, "Why not? Safe sex with the person I love the most."
She thought about that for a moment and smiled, "I should call you sometime during our next 'girls night out'."
Her husband is an ex-stripper, so "girl's night out" means a gang of hot horny girls stripping a man naked and having their way with him.
Or I wind up doing an impersonation of Don Johnson.
She has cut my hair then kissed me on the lips and told me "I love you", in front of her hubby no less. What are friends for?
The medical doctor's cure for female hysteria
"As a girl twice a year I go in for gyno check up and I have to lay on my back while my doc has one finger as far up my butt as he can push it and the other hand up my crotch pushing and feeling around... I have come more than once and its embarrassing as hell... but what can you do? My doc is drop dead gorgeous and when I'm in that position, totally exposed, he's up me everywhere and pushing all the right buttons... it just happens. He smiles but just lets it pass. It must happen all the time I'd guess."
-Answerbag: are doctors allowed to give handjobs to test ejaculation
Steampunk cure for Female Hysteria patent still pending
How female 'hysteria' led to the invention of the vibrator
Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hugh Dancy star in Hysteria, the tale of a Victorian doctor who co-patents the first electro-mechanical vibrator.
They’d tremble, flush a deep red, moan and feel remarkably better afterward, a spring in their step as they left their physicians’ operating theatres.
Victorian women climaxing – unbeknownst to even themselves – populate Hysteria, a film that enjoyed a raucous premiere at the recent Toronto International Film Festival, and the drama In the Next Room or the vibrator play, currently on at Toronto’s Tarragon Theatre.
The film and the play are the latest incarnations to cast a bemused glance back at “hysteria,” the catch-all Victorian malady that pathologized female desire and had doctors masturbating patients, first with their hands and later with rudimentary vibrators, in hopes of treating a wide variety of symptoms, from anxiety, depression and insomnia to nymphomania and frigidity – not to mention the much frowned-upon practice of reading novels.
Even as the vibrator has been co-opted by mainstream companies such as Durex and Trojan (the “Tri-Phoria” model promises to “blow your hair back”), hysteria and its place in the vibrator’s history continue to fascinate the masses, and get academics squabbling.
In Hysteria, the well-to-do women visiting Mortimer Granville’s medical clinic complain of distracting thoughts and hating their husbands. His “medical treatment” – first digital and later aided by a crude vibrator when his hands go numb – sends the women into paroxysms of pleasure and pain. Maggie Gyllenhaal’s feminist character foretells that hysteria is little more than an all-encompassing diagnosis for “nervous housewives” ignored by inattentive hubbies.
In the Next Room or the vibrator play focuses on the agony of a cabin-fevered wife as she’s forced to take in the orgasmic sounds of her husbands’ hysteria patients beyond the parlour walls.
“I have heard that some women do not need the vibrating instrument to give them paroxysms, that relations with their husbands have much the same effect,” the wife hazards at the play’s conclusion.
Director Richard Rose suggests hysteria continues to intrigue because it speaks to sexual unease: “Not being able to communicate one’s desires out of embarrassment, awkwardness or because of social issues, that darkness or shadow between people about their sexuality, is a recurring issue.”
In the Next Room was written by American playwright Sarah Ruhl, who worked from a landmark 1999 book on the vibrator, Rachel Maines’ The Technology of Orgasm. The book also informs the film, as well as a puppet rock musical called Oh My, Dr. Maines says.
“There’s a lot of things in them that depart from the history but I don’t really care as long as it gets people talking about the really important issues,” said Dr. Maines, who is visiting scientist in the Cornell University School of Electrical and Computer Engineering.
Hysteria, Dr. Maines says, literally meant “womb disease.” The loosely defined condition emerged in Hippocrates’ day and involved “anything that made the woman troublesome to those around her.”
Manual massage by physician became a “standard medical treatment in Europe at least by the 5th century AD, running through about 1900,” Dr. Maines said. The appearance of the mechanical vibrator in 1883 relieved doctors of the drudgery of performing the massage: Some manual sessions would span close to an hour and the vibrator reduced this to mere minutes.
In a sense, hysterics were the ideal patients: “They’re not going to die of their disease, but they’re not going to recover from it either,” Dr. Maines chuckled.
Still, heated debate persists as to whether the Victorian doctors comprehended the sexual nature of the work.
“It’s not defined as sexual,” Dr. Maines insists. The paroxysm, “the thing with the contractions and the release of fluid and all the heavy breathing and the flushing of the face, it was like the breaking of a fever when you have a cold.”